Adoptee Search Talk

A somewhat funny video about adoption specifically US adoption with the seeled records.  Intercountry adoption = international adoption does not generally have seeled records but agencies can still prevent adoptees from looking in their files.

Maybe

I don’t necessarilly believe that adoptees should get statefounded help I wish it would be possible for adoptees to recieve some kind of state founded help, (yet that doesn’t seem very realistical. )to search for their birth families, however I do wish that it would become easier to iniate a birth family search for those who would like to know their roots.

I also want to say that for me there was no shocking revelation at least not until 24 years ago, (last year), that’s when I realized that my existance was a shock that questioned my birth families values and existance. For them the hard part begun last year and well, I suppose it was the same thing for me since there were a lot of things I didn’t know.

I don’t blame my birth parents, I love them with all my heart , sometimes so hard it hurts… My reunion doesn’t mean my adoptive parents has now been rejected. No of course not, they have shaped me to the person that I am today but my heritage and birth has also had a great impact not only on my life but also on me as a person.

Maybe, my siblings and birth parents are having a much harder them than I, they for the most part didn’t know about me or believed I was dead or maybe that I didn’t even exist to begin with. My birth and adoption has for almost 25 years been tabboo. When I first made myself known they must have struggled, felt angry or sad… So many feelings , some that I may not even know of. My existance was in many ways a threat to my birth families core existance.

Knowing that one of your siblings was deprived from growing up with you… someone you now didn’t know. Did your parents not love you enough ? Could they have decided differently ? Why couldn’t they keep you in the family? Why did they have another child after your birth ? Have they regreted their decision ? Doesn’t our parents love me ?

All I knew at the time was that my parents were poor and a few more things that I’ve been told. For me the hard part begun after my first Korean trip.

Questions arose that I never might get answered, I also realized the dynamic in my adoptive family, that a reunion trip was a threat for the existance of their family, it in many ways also was a conditioned trip, there were a lot of hidden rules which I managed to break from time to time. I saw a new side of my mum and dad, one I would have prefered not to know about.

Siblings

In a perfect word… not that there might be a perfect word and don’t take that phrase literarily. In a perfect word I believe siblings is like life’s dessert.

Terms of endearment

One thing that really is the fundamental principle in international adoption (there are many, believe me), is first of all the misconception that children and infants available for adoption are orphans. Well, that’s not entirely true chances are they may have at least on parent alive somewhere.

Secondly, in international adoption the prospective parents usually have to pay huge amounts of money in order to become a parent to someone else’s child. I know children are expensive, but usually you don’t need to pay hundreds of thousands in one go just to iniate a pregnancy (I use the word pregnancy even though the adoptive parents don’t get pregnant).

And then what about all these different nicknames like bundle of joy, apple of my eye…

imported baby…

I know my adoptive parents love me, I do but at the same time I’m aware of the fact that they had to take a huge loan in order to become my parents. Maybe they didn’t really pay for me, but more for the services that was preformed in order to achive my adoption.

I really do think my adoptive parents did take the easy road, since they had all the fun while my birth parents was left with separation and were stolen of so many things like my childhood, and my upbringing, my love while my siblings which I know I have was equally as harmed.

Now we don’t speak the same language any more, and the natural bond you get in a family naturally , that I don’t have with my siblings. I’m afraid I might have painted myself into a corner already, but to rectify the situation I have selected a few fairly recent posts from my other blog:

 http://kimchisamgyeopsal.blogspot.com/2011/05/right-left-right-right.html as well as http://kimchisamgyeopsal.blogspot.com/2011/05/dont-push-it.html

Different types of adoption

Adoption, to replace or get something instead of what was orginally thought…

Actually adoption is so much more then just that. There’s always, always a birth family somewhere. Then you either have domestic adoption or transnational adoption which also can be managed as open adoption…

DNA

DNA, genes, ethnic heritage. Sometimes insignificant but never unavoidable. At times of major importance, empty boxes left unchecked, questions with no answers. That’s what it means to me – partially at least.

Trapped between two families

Left or right, milk or water, summer or winter, ice cream or cake, flowers or plants, rice or bread, night or day. Those are all different choices that most people can make but in adoption the child (adoptee) has no choice and no say. No one saks about what they want.

Feeling trapped between two families or several people capture the essence of what it means to be an adoptee. And then people tell you be greatful towards your adoptive parents, your saviours. But what if the knowledge of the actual adoption means that the adoptee is emotionally wounded, they mourn something and someone they might not be expected to have any feelings for whatsoever. What if, you mourn the loss of your birth parents and goes through life wondering what could have been?

So this is me

I was adopted almost 25 years ago to Sweden to a middle aged couple that not only was supposed to care for me and raise but they were to become my parents. Of course they couldn’t become my biological parents since my mum hadn’t given birth to me and more importantly my biological parents were Korean. I was their Korean adopted daughter. They tell me that they have raised me and treated me just as if I was their own… But how can you really know that ?

To me that’s pure speculations something I strongly detaste.

My life begun about 25 years ago but my story started years before I even was born…

Adoption is the start of a lifelong scar, neverending trauma caused by rejection and separation involuntary or otherwise.

Is blood really thicker than water?

Tell me is blood really thicker than water , or is it water that is stronger than blood ?