Adoptees deported by the US

Did you know that the US had no law that naturally made US adoptees gain US citizensip – not unil 2001 such a law was established. However it didn’t include adult adoptees, adoptees that was adopted prior to 2001 and those adoptees can sometimes be deported ack to their birth country. IF they commit a legal offense, is inprisoned or found guilty for a minor offense.

At least 3 Korean adoptees have been deported back to Korea, but the US government says that many adoptees have been subjected to deportation back to their birth countries. Apparently US adoptees are generally not aware of that their citizenship still is kept while they are adopted to the US.

Adoptee Search Talk

A somewhat funny video about adoption specifically US adoption with the seeled records.  Intercountry adoption = international adoption does not generally have seeled records but agencies can still prevent adoptees from looking in their files.

Adoption or not

Life’s purpose

Many people believe that the purpose of life is to have children, that doesn’t mean that everyone becomes parents. Some may actually not want to have children at all period.

But a majority do, some may be single and some may be infertile or homosexual for one reason or another. If you for some reason can’t become a parent by biology you can apply for adoption or try IVF. But in Sweden it’s more complicated if you’re a gay man or woman that like to have biological children. Apparently one of the requirements for being approved for a sex change is that you accept that you have to a vasectomy or tubal ligation.

With that said it’s still not socially accepted for Swedes to reject the sterilization IF they are serious in wanting a sex change. Thomas Beatie the first pregnant man has by now had 3 children, but he’s still the father and his wife is the mother.

If you want to adopt a child you have to fulfill the general requirements usually age requirement, health requirement and social status. And it’s still easier for single women to adopt while the same can’t be said for men.

Heroism

I scream (blog), you scream, we (adoptees) all scream, well at least many of us do because no one has bothered enough to ask for our opinions when adoption is a process where the adoptee is supposed to be the centre yet it somehow always ends up turning into the adoptive parents and often society and many more seems to imply that as adoptees we should feel grateful.

But hey, I think they are missing some vital points here, first of all adoptees is forced to become their own heroes because no one else will defend them or speak for them. Yes, infertility might be a big trauma trigger, I can only imagine but imagine for a second that you for a second was a supposed orphan, adopted into another country far away. You were to young too get asked about what you thought so people just acted on your benefit, made a decision that seemed most suitable and to be for you’re own good.

So what would be better then ? Growing up in a close and loving family, were wealth would be measured in love not possessions. Or does material wealth trump the wealth and happiness that love produces ?

Maybe

I don’t necessarilly believe that adoptees should get statefounded help I wish it would be possible for adoptees to recieve some kind of state founded help, (yet that doesn’t seem very realistical. )to search for their birth families, however I do wish that it would become easier to iniate a birth family search for those who would like to know their roots.

I also want to say that for me there was no shocking revelation at least not until 24 years ago, (last year), that’s when I realized that my existance was a shock that questioned my birth families values and existance. For them the hard part begun last year and well, I suppose it was the same thing for me since there were a lot of things I didn’t know.

I don’t blame my birth parents, I love them with all my heart , sometimes so hard it hurts… My reunion doesn’t mean my adoptive parents has now been rejected. No of course not, they have shaped me to the person that I am today but my heritage and birth has also had a great impact not only on my life but also on me as a person.

Maybe, my siblings and birth parents are having a much harder them than I, they for the most part didn’t know about me or believed I was dead or maybe that I didn’t even exist to begin with. My birth and adoption has for almost 25 years been tabboo. When I first made myself known they must have struggled, felt angry or sad… So many feelings , some that I may not even know of. My existance was in many ways a threat to my birth families core existance.

Knowing that one of your siblings was deprived from growing up with you… someone you now didn’t know. Did your parents not love you enough ? Could they have decided differently ? Why couldn’t they keep you in the family? Why did they have another child after your birth ? Have they regreted their decision ? Doesn’t our parents love me ?

All I knew at the time was that my parents were poor and a few more things that I’ve been told. For me the hard part begun after my first Korean trip.

Questions arose that I never might get answered, I also realized the dynamic in my adoptive family, that a reunion trip was a threat for the existance of their family, it in many ways also was a conditioned trip, there were a lot of hidden rules which I managed to break from time to time. I saw a new side of my mum and dad, one I would have prefered not to know about.

What not to say to an adoptee

I’ve decided to finally name this list and it will be named What Not To Say To An Adoptee… (in case of adoptive parents).

• never say that an adoptees mum and dad isn’t their real parents!!! ( I know it’s true, but don’t say things that might be hurtful if you don’t have any knowledge of it , it doesn’t matter if they’re true or not).

What Not To Say To An Adoptee

1. We saved you from a bad future
2. You would have died or starved to death if it wasn’t for us
3. You should have been aborted if you you’re birth parents weren’t poor
4. Do think you should have had a better life (with them) then what you have today?
5. You belong to us now.
6. Your birth mother didn’t love you so she gave you up for adoption
7. She doesn’t care about you, why else would she have surrended you !?

Do you have any examples ?

Siblings

In a perfect word… not that there might be a perfect word and don’t take that phrase literarily. In a perfect word I believe siblings is like life’s dessert.

Stereotyphes

In adoption there’s so many , many myths to begin with. There’s also presumptions, generalizations and of course prejudices. There are because I know.

About adoption in general, about adoptees, about birth families, about siblings from adoption, about birth country, about family search, about reunion.. And so on. There’s basically presumptions, prejudices and generalizations about overything and nothing and almost all people do carry it somehow to a laager or smaller extent.

I just get so tired of it all, I sometimes wish it was an on/off button somewhere that could make the difficult thing with adoption stop. Not that I don’t like my life.

25th Anniversery comming up….

Did you know that the oldest post adoption foundation was founded in Sweden 25 years ago? Well it was and in August it’s the big celebration.

I think it’s a bit sad that such an organization has been needed for so long but on the other hand such an organization could be useful for many KADs. And there are quite a few KADs in Sweden if you didn’t know already…

Since it was founded in the middle of August in 1986 the celebration will also be held in August…